Step 1: Walk to the farmer's market the evening prior and buy some lovely uncured bacon. I got asparagus in my weekly produce box, or I would have also bought some at the market.
Step 2: Cook several slices of bacon to desired crispness. Remove from pan.
Step 3: Wash asparagus well and dry with a tea towel. Break spears in half and fry exuberantly in the bacon fat.
Step 4: Put the asparagus on a plate and salt them (optional). Eat bacon and asparagus with hands.
Step 5: Gloat on the internet. This was delicious. Also, as of yesterday morning, I've lost a grand total of 60 pounds. Hooray for me!