Yummy dinner and an interesting experiment

I really, really, REALLY like mushrooms. Whenever a package comes in the bi-weekly produce bin, I cook them and eat them right away.

Better Half really, really, REALLY hates mushrooms. She goes mushroom hunting with me, points at them, and yells "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, KILL IT!" She will not eat them. She once proposed that I get separate pans for mushrooms, that none of her food would ever touch. So the mushrooms, when they come, are all for me.

This tends to mean that I get to experiment more with mushrooms than with other food -- if I only have myself to please, I don't really care if I produce something odd.

Tonight I had a delicious lamb shoulder with greens and foraged field mustard florets and mushrooms cooked in butter:



The foraging was great. I took the dog for a walk and we climbed up an embankment after the mustard. I couldn't reach the biggest plant, but I definitely got a good workout hiking up and down the hill. I also picked some miner's lettuce, but decided it was probably dog-peed-on so I ended up tossing it.

While I was cooking dinner, I decided I would do something odd with the rest of the mushrooms. We had some bacon already (alderwood smoked no preservatives no nitrates and so forth), and we got TWO leeks in the box this week meaning last week's leek has no room. Leeks and mushrooms and bacon are always a winning combination. But what to do? Inspired by a memory of a fantastic 18th century British recipe once featured on Two Fat Ladies for a Mitton of Pork, I decided to layer the mushrooms and leeks, sprinkle them with mace, and enclose them, pie-like, in bacon, then bake.

Step one: line tiny deep-dish pie dish with bacon:



Step two: slice mushrooms and leeks and layer them in the dish, sprinkling each layer with a little mace. (Note: I used too much mace. 1/8 tsp is plenty. I shouldn't have eyeballed it.)





Step 3: Top with bacon, tucking in ends of other pieces to make a little parcel:


(Note: You can see that, like an idiot, I put still MORE mace on it at this point. I don't know what my plan was, honestly.)

Step 4: Bake at 400 degrees until bacon is crispy and vegetables are soft, about 30 to 40 minutes:



So, other than HOLY CRAP WHY DID I PUT SO MUCH MACE IN THIS (I really like mace, but I got a little carried away), this was pretty good! It was easy, the flavors blended well... yeah, good stuff! Better Half suggested trying the same technique with apples and onions instead, which just sounds awesome and I can't wait to try it.

A fantastic dinner from a few weeks ago

Awesome salad with seasoned grass-fed beef patty, a photo by laurelfactorial on Flickr.

Seasoned grass-fed beef patty (I added ground up thyme, sage, and garlic, plus salt, formed the beef into patties and cooked them under the broiler) with a salad of romaine lettuce, goat cheese, cherry tomatoes, pasture eggs, and home-made honey mustard dressing (which wasn't strictly primal).

Totally delicious and Better Half loved the salad. She didn't like the meat, which meant I ate two! :D Hee hee!

Why to buy pasture eggs

Why to buy pasture eggs, a photo by laurelfactorial on Flickr.

Look at the color of the yolk! Also, they are unbelievably delicious.

Stumbling toward the light!

I'm desperately trying to get back to eating normal-to-me food after the horrorshow of my post-tooth-removal, but it's been unbelievably hard. Meat is difficult to chew, vegetables get stuck in my tooth-holes something fierce, it's bad news all around. But tonight I did make a very nice dinner, and Better Half liked it too. Behold: coconut curry mahi mahi over cauliflower rice:



We bought some frozen tofu-equivalent (a term we use for meats that are easy to prepare/non-scary/uniform -- Better Half and I were both vegetarians for a long period of time so cooking meat was scary to us for a while) mahi mahi fillets. I thawed one and baked it in a mixture of coconut milk (light, which I know is not really primal but since I've been so carby lately I'm afraid to go back to megafat right away), curry powder, fish sauce, lime juice, and Sriracha hot sauce. All told I think I baked it a little over 30 minutes (Better Half always wants the fish overdone, and I find I kind of lean that way too). About 15 minutes before it was done, I quartered some tomatoes and put them on top.

We got a beautiful head of orange cauliflower, so to go with this I decided to try my hand at cauliflower "rice". I split the head into florets, steamed them, and grated them in the food processor. The color was incredible! I'm afraid now I've spoiled myself for this dish, I don't think I would have enjoyed it even half as much without the wild color.

This was fantastic and I will totally make it again.

I think I'm back

I just made chicken liver pate, now I'm frying up some chicken hearts to spread it on. I'm not sure how I plan to eat the chicken hearts (suck the juices from them?), but the pate is amazing.

I think I must be feeling better.

Argh!

Getting my teeth pulled on Friday has completely thrown a wrench into all of this. I just can't manage real food -- all I've been eating are smoothies, soft processed carbs, yogurt, and milkshakes. I did make myself some nutritious chicken glop (with sort of a medieval feel to it -- chicken cooked in almond milk with pomegranate molasses and spices) and pureed greens, but even that was just too much for me. I'm definitely making choices based on what seems the easiest and I'm also for sure "eating my emotions." This experience has freaked me out more than I thought it would and I'm in pain even with the painkillers (I am trying to take the minimum dose I can manage and I held out on taking narcotic pain medication until late last night). I feel like I'm taking some major steps backwards in my journey toward wellness and non-crazy eating, but I have decided not to beat myself up about it too much. It's kind of like how when we took the dog to puppy class and he would be much more poorly behaved than normal and the trainer pointed out how much better it was for him to be ill behaved in the unique circumstance than every day -- if I can recognize that this extreme circumstance, which will almost certainly never happen again (prior to this I had never even really had a filling), is an anomaly, it doesn't have to mean I've failed or even mean I'm taking steps backward. I am instead going to take it as retreating to regather before making a major leap forward.

Greens soup from last Sunday

IMG_8801 a photo by laurelfactorial on Flickr.

Right out of the PBC (although I used less liquid). It was amazing!

Ridiculously yummy dinner

Beef stir fry with broccoli and and bok choi, based on a recipe in the PBC. Lots and lots of vegetables! Lots and lots of flavor! Very very yummy! Would totally make again.

I also made, on a whim, "primal cake." Here's the recipe:

1/2 cup shredded unsweetened coconut
1/2 cup almond meal
1/2 cup coconut milk
2 eggs
About 1/2 cup of a mix of frozen blueberries and cranberries

Beat all ingredients together in stand mixer. I baked it in a miniature baking pan made for my toaster oven for 20 minutes. The result is remarkably yummy and moist, and surprisingly cake-like. I cut it into very small pieces, about 1" by 2". It would be better with a little bit of cinnamon or maybe ginger, but it's a good start for a simple, healthy baked treat.

Back on track

Breakfast -- bacon, eggs, tomatoes, apple, and frozen concoction of blueberries and coconut milk

Lunch -- not sure if I'll have any

Dinner -- hoping to do beef stir fry with broccoli and bok choy

Exercise: I will walk the dog today, damn it! Maybe a little core work with the ball?

ETA: Successful "hunt" at Whole Paycheck (ugh), acquired grass fed meat for myself and the dog. Also, marrow bones! Will be experimenting with marrow one night this week.

I walked the dog for 20 minutes in the cold and wet before I wussed out. I'll try to run around with him more tonight and do some core work as a break.

I have a ton to do to get ready for work tomorrow, and this week is going to be somewhat hellish as we have conferences two nights so I'll be stuck at work for a good 13 hours on each of those days. This means that dinners this week might be dicey... I suppose I can always get a salad at the barbecue place, or maybe see what options the Mexican restaurant has (fajitas without the tortillas?).

Goal for tomorrow: make a real breakfast (eggs with broccoli rabe is the plan), find time to exercise between the end of school and the start of conferences. Maybe go for a walk in the park?

Why I am changing my eating habits

Baking bread was fun, and the resulting whole-wheat loaf was really yummy (especially with butter and honey!) but now I feel kind of crappy.

Some thoughts on all of this

I feel like I need to put "primal" in quotes since I'm eating so much fruit, and occasional tiny amounts of honey.

The fruit thing... man. I really like fruit. I understand the reasoning behind fruit playing a minor roll in a modern paleo diet, but damn, I really like fruit. I've decided for now for me fruit is okay.

So far I feel good. The food I'm eating is yummy and satisfying and I feel energetic. I'm still really struggling to be as active as I want to be, though. I'm also down 3 pounds since Wednesday morning -- on the scale today I am officially down 55 pounds since January 2010. No doubt I'll undo that with my planned cheat day today for bread baking, but I'm not too worried. I've reached this place with my weight loss where I know I can do it and I know that I can take breaks and get back on the horse, and if taking breaks is what allows me to do this then I'm fine with that. I feel like I've taken a break after basically each 10 pound milestone; sometimes long breaks, sometimes short breaks. I haven't gained back any weight on those breaks (okay, except over Christmas, but the net gain was 4 pounds and I lost that and more in one week of getting back on track) and they allow me to not get that crazy deprived feeling. I've been itching for a break since hitting 50 pounds.

Actually, that's part of why I've been eating the way I've been eating: I planned to take a 2-3 week hiatus from tracking with Weight Watchers because I've been feeling kind of burned out and I have upcoming wisdom tooth surgery -- I have pretty much decided that after I get my wisdom teeth out I will eat whatever foods don't make me miserable and I won't beat myself up about it. If eating primally works well for me, I will continue. If not, I will go back to tracking with Weight Watchers (and eating how I was eating, which was very, very limited processed junk and sugar and a moderate but not necessarily restricted amount of carbs -- my typical day was yogurt or cottage cheese in the morning, fruit mid-morning, meat and vegetables and fruit for lunch, then for dinner we'd often do pasta, or meat and vegetables, or meat and vegetables and grain-product of some kind).

I think I'm going to start setting daily goals. Today's goal: 20 minutes of yoga or core work with the bouncy ball before I go to bread baking.

If you are reading this and thinking the kinds of things that most people think about fat people ("You are lazy and not serious and you are obese because you can't stick with anything etc etc etc") I disagree with you. Keep in mind that this same basic approach of punctuated equilibrium (NOT yo-yoing: my weight has not gone UP in all this time) has brought me here, which is 50 pounds smaller than I was before.

What I ate today

Breakfast: beef jerky (home made) with pasture butter, a pear, and two "primal bites."

I had an apple mid morning.

Lunch: Chicken caesar salad, no croutons and no cheese. Dressing I'm sure has non-primal stuff in it but for going out to the barbecue place that slathers everything in sauce and has only battered / deep fried sides, I felt like I did okay.

When I got home from work, knowing dinner will take a while, I had a slice of bacon and a tiny tangerine.

Dinner will be pot roast (beef with onions and herbs) with baked acorn squash (with pasture butter and sage) on the side. I might make baconnaise slaw, too. More veggies are definitely needed.

Tomorrow I'm planning a "cheat" day to bake bread with a friend.

All primal, all day

I am eating lots of fruit, almost certainly enough to tip me into dubious levels of total carbs, but again, BABY STEPS -- avoiding processed food, grains, and sugar. I had sushi last night for dinner, though (and it was awesome), so I'm not fully committed to this yet, really.

Here's what I ate today:

• Breakfast: eggs with cream and butter, two kiwis
• Mid-morning: apple, sunflower seeds
• Lunch: beets (cooked), carrots (raw), ground grass-fed beef patty (seasoned with garlic, sage, and thyme and cooked like a gigantic meatball)
• Afternoon: an orange, some coconut milk, and a "primal bite"
• Dinner: Broccoli salad with bacon, pecans, and raisins (recipe out of the PB cookbook) with dressing made with freshly made baconnaise. Yes, that's mayonnaise made with bacon fat. Dear sweet Jesus, I know. I actually used half bacon fat and half walnut oil, and it was OMG INCREDIBLE.
• Dessert: Frozen blueberries

Given what's been in the produce box, I'm trending really heavily to the higher carb vegetables and fruits. I see a definite need for more greens. Good thing I like them so much!

Fish, stuffed with more fish!

IMG_8798 a photo by laurelfactorial on Flickr.

Okay, so shrimp aren't fish. Whatever. But behold the glory of the mackerel, stuffed with shallots, sage, and little bittie shrimpies.

Pretty yummy! I liked the shrimp the best. The fish was too scary for Better Half, so next time I think fish-that-doesn't-look-like-fish is how we'll roll. Not gonna lie, the fish was actually a little much for me, too. I've never really been that into fish, and sometimes fish makes me want to barf, so this dinner was a big step for me.

Definitely more misses than hits, so far

Hmm, stress at work (grades due Friday! yikes!), early meetings (so no time to make a real breakfast), and too much to do (an unexpected project at home) has put a serious ding in my ability to cook, which is definitely hampering the plan. I even resorted to a frozen lunch at work today. But I did make the stuffed mackerel and greens soup on Sunday, and it was awesome, and I made myself some simple "mostly-primal bites," a quick snack or breakfast addition with coconut/walnut oil, ground almonds, raisins, dried cranberries (sweetened, but with apple juice), chopped nuts, and a tiny bit of honey -- not strictly carb free, but on the right path.

I'm thinking a couple of things: I need to do more planning, and I need to purchase foods that are VERY quick to prepare. Better Half ordered a fancy counter-top grill thingy, so I'm thinking the way to make this work for me is to some combination of grilled meat plus speedy veggie for dinner, salads or leftovers for lunch, and... still not sure about breakfast. I'm thinking what I really want for breakfast is home made pemmican and some fruit, but that would require me to make more pemmican, which is kind of a project.

So, I guess I am still stumbling. I'm also looking ahead to getting my wisdom teeth out next week (ARGH), and I'm seriously thinking I'll just cut myself some slack and eat nothing but pudding and mac'n'cheese for a week, otherwise that time (which is spring break) would perfectly coincide with the best time to undergo a serious dietary change.

next post: pictures of the fish!

Primal Experiments

The Insufferable Foodie has decided to dabble more seriously in a paleo diet. I purchased The Primal Blueprint Cookbook yesterday (I really enjoy reading Mark's Daily Apple), the immediately went grocery shopping and bought some ingredients to make some things that looked super yummy. I then came home and flagged all of the recipes in the book that I want to make sure I try "right away" and then realized I had flagged 36 individual recipes, which in a relatively short cookbook like this is a lot. I think it's fair to say I'm excited.

I don't want to declare that I AM DOING THIS AND IT IS FOREVER AND I HAVE FOUND A WHOLE NEW WAY OF EATING ETC, but it does interest me and I'd like to document how it goes, so I'm reviving this blog.

Since the last time I posted here, I have lost 50 pounds. I started by doing Daily Plate, lost just over 30 lbs, then hit a plateau. Then I joined Weight Watchers (I can do it for free through work), and have lost just under 20 lbs on that. Through all of this, I find that my diet has been slowly working its way toward paleo. I've been drawn to a paleo diet for... gosh, years, but always afraid of failure. Yesterday I decided I'm not afraid of "failure" anymore because in this instance there's no such thing as failure. I don't have to commit to never eating dairy or carbs or processed food again. I will still lead a normal life and if I really want to indulge, I will. What I am going to commit to is ramping up what I'm already doing, which is limiting processed food, limiting carbs, and limiting dairy (I am mildly lactarded, after all). Oh, and exercising more/differently, but that's outside the scope of this blog. I'm also finding that I'm drawn more to Sisson's primal model rather than other versions of paleo as his seems a lot more flexible and realistic rather than being about crazy restriction. I am still going to track points through Weight Watchers, although since it is impossible to track macronutrients I might have to do something else in addition / instead.

Now I will babble about food!

At the grocery store, I bought:

• Grass fed beef for pot roast
• Grass fed beef for jerky for my dad
• Grass fed ground beef (plan to make meatballs to facilitate quick and easy bento-type lunches)
• Pasture-raised eggs
• Wild-caught mackerel
• Little bitty shrimpies
• Pasture butter (this was my splurge of the week)
• Coconut milk (light and regular)
• Sage
• Shallots

We get a produce box every other week, so my produce purchases are usually minimal.

Things I'm planning to make this week:

• Mackerel stuffed with shrimp, shallots, and sage, with creamed greens soup on the side (at Better Half's request, this will be with heavy cream instead of coconut milk)
• Pot roast, with mashed squash and parsnips on the side
• Coconut-blueberry "ice cream" (either unsweetened or honey sweetened) as a treat, possibly with pecans!
• Mahi mahi (we have some frozen) in some kind of coconut-curry with bok choi, haven't hammered out the details yet

For breakfasts I'm either going to do eggs, if I have time, or just homemade jerky and some fruit. For lunches I'm going to probably make something like coleslaw today and then round that out with aforementioned meatballs, hard boiled eggs, nuts, and fruit. Other dinners during the week will be made up on the spot. At least one night I will probably be eating carby, processed frozen food (I have some evol burritos).

For breakfast I had pasture eggs, pasture butter, melon, and kiwi (very carby fruits, but I've decided at least for now not to care about this). For lunch I'm planning a salad with lettuce, beets, goat cheese, grapefruit, and honey mustard dressing (which is not paleo at all, but again, I'm focusing on the bigger picture right now.

I'm planning to take pictures of the fish tonight and post them.

Solstice Cookies

Cream together:

2 sticks butter
1 cup sugar

Add, and beat:

Zest of one orange
1/2 cup finely chopped crystallized ginger
1 egg

Mix together then add slowly:
3 cups flour
Pinch salt
1 tsp baking powder

Add also:
1 T lemon juice

Form dough into log. Chill 2+ hours. Slice into 1/8" cookies and bake 6-9 minutes at 400°

Epic Pie

Epic Pie
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

I made this after we went to Hood River for the Heirloom Apple Festival. It has winesaps and pippins and my signature streusel and lattice top crust, as per Better Half's request.

It was completely awesome and unspeakably delicious. Also, my first time making pie crust with the new food processor Better Half gave me.

Water Kefir Update

I ended up letting it sit until Monday as it wasn't very fizzy. I started another batch that day which I decanted just now. The grains have multiplied enough that I went ahead and split them into two bottles. The latest batches each have 1/8 cup honey, small handful raisins, and half a lemon.

Water Kefir

Someone gave me some "water kefir" grains and I've started fermenting with them. I used:

3 cups water
1/4 cup sugar (organic evaporated cane juice)
half an organic lemon
2 tiny dried figs
A little less than 1/4 cup dried "grains" (culture/starter)
Sliced fresh ginger

I did this in a large mason jar, started it yesterday afternoon. I'll check on it today, it's supposed to ferment in 24-72 hours.

The finished product the other person had made was delicious. Fermented and fizzy, and I could taste the lactobacilli. I love probiotics.

I'll keep you posted.

Octodogs!

Octodogs!
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

I've always wanted to make these and I finally did. They turned out great!

Our amazing dinner

Our amazing dinner
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Mini ravioli, butter, parmesan cheese, the fresh favas with caramelized shallots, and bacon. The bacon wasn't that good, but overall this was INSANE. A+++++++ would make again. Fava beans are so totally worth the stupid amounts of effort.

Cheesecake is good

I'm growing increasingly fond of Ava's Roasteria in Beaverton, where I am in fact writing from at this very moment. It's a sweet little coffee shop combined with a study mecca (I'm pretending to study right now, in fact) with all the amenities -- wifi, caffeine, food, and the cleanest bathroom ever (bar none!)

They have some insane pastries. I'm a huge fan of the German Cheesecake, even if it is covered in chocolate (I never got the chocolate gene). It's really creamy and rich, and even if $4.25 seems like a lot for a little individual-sized cake, I think it's a good price for what you're getting. As for drinks, I am not a coffee drinker, and Ava's definitely delivers on that count. I'm a sucker for Italian sodas, and I have two favorites here: lime with coconut (sing with me now!) and, one Better Half discovered, watermelon with cream. Mmm.

100th post

Today's delicious breakfast:

A local bosc pear, Armenian braided string cheese, unbelievably wonderful cardamom tea with lots of sugar and a little milk.

Life is good.

The best way to cook chanterelles

My current favorite method of preparing my favorite mushroom:

-Brush clean with pastry brush. If they're really grukky, wash them GENTLY and dab off excess moisture with towel.
-Use fingers to shred into long, thin pieces.
-Heat cast iron skillet fairly hot (medium-high on my stove)
-Add mushrooms (nothing else!) and cook briefly, stirring often, to get some of the moisture out. Don't put too many in the pan at once or they'll just be rubbery.
-Add some butter and continue cooking until mushrooms are quite a bit smaller than they started, browned, and some are even starting to look crispy.
-Remove from pan, salt, eat.
-Exclaim with delight.

When Anglophilia, science nerds, and cooking collide

The inside of a kidney is beautiful!
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

I bought lamb kidneys at the farmers market and made steak and kidney pie.

It was pretty good, and as a bonus cutting open the kidneys (shown here) was COMPLETELY AWESOME.

I win at Anglophile

I made a steak and kidney pie.

It's actually quite good! But I added too much broth.

Kidneys basically taste like liver, strong flavor with a creamy texture. I think I like them. Of course, the pie is loaded with Worcestershire sauce, so it would be hard for me to NOT like it.

noooooooooooooooo

My favorite Chipotle burrito is going to be lead to my death. I knew this, but seeing the numbers all laid out like this is just horrifying.

(My burrito: tortilla, rice, carnitas, tomato salsa, sour cream, cheese, and guacamole.)

BUT IT IS SO WORTH IT. I LOVE YOU, BURRITO.

God, just thinking about it makes me want one, and I'm not even hungry.

Speaking of things that are going to kill me, my new life goal is to make a Luther Burger.

Zounds! The Omnivore's 100!

Check out this fantastic post at Very Good Taste:

"Here’s a chance for a little interactivity for all the bloggers out there. Below is a list of 100 things that I think every good omnivore should have tried at least once in their life. The list includes fine food, strange food, everyday food and even some pretty bad food - but a good omnivore should really try it all. Don’t worry if you haven’t, mind you; neither have I, though I’ll be sure to work on it. Don’t worry if you don’t recognise everything in the hundred, either; Wikipedia has the answers.

Here’s what I want you to do:

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results."

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea Okay so I am cheating a little here, I have had nettles as an edible green but I'm not certain I've had them as tea. I'm counting it anyway.
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare This one I'm not positive. I know I've had carpaccio, which is obviously very similar, but I don't know for certain if I've had actual steak tartare -- I would like to.
5. Crocodile Okay okay, so I haven't had croc. But I have had alligator, and I think that should count.
6. Black pudding I tried a little in Ireland. I think it kind of reminded me of eating scabs. I would maybe like to give this one another chance, as an adult.
7. Cheese fondue But of course! A popular dish when my mom is cooking.
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart Oh yesssssssssssss
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle Again I am cheating -- I'm only sort of sure I've had something flavored with black truffle. However, I have had a great quantity of Oregon White Truffles, and Oh God, the tasty.
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes Of course! I've made blackberry wine and Arbutus wine.
19. Steamed pork buns alugalahgalugalgualghagl... (that's the drool noise)
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras I can't see myself eating this because the thought of it makes me sad.
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese -- I would only eat this if I made it myself from a pig I raised myself and knew did not POSSIBLE have any kind of spongiform encephalopathy. Things with brains freak me the hell out.
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut And I've made it, too!
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar I like how cigars smell but I can't see myself ever smoking.
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk Once, when I was very little. I didn't like it.
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine -- No but I want it SO. BAD.
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads -- This one is high on my "to be eaten" list.
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst -- Another food I long to try but never seem to get around to.
65. Durian Don't believe the lies, this shit is delicious. It's like custard.
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis -- I'm sourcing ingredients to make my own! The problem is, there are complex laws on selling sheep organs. As usual, the goddamn government is keeping me down.
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette I use intestines to make sausages, but there's something about chitlins that turns my stomach.
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini I think my mom made this once.
73. Louche absinthe --- Ooooooh, want!
74. Gjetost, or brunost This is another one that I think I've had but I'm not certain.
75. Roadkill Only if I killed it myself, and then I'd still be pretty wary. I have a funny story about eating roadkill -- you know what, I'm not telling that story on the internet.
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie -- Packaged foods scare me. I have also never eaten a Twinkie, and I intend to keep it that way.
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky I'm sure I've tried it but I don't remember it making an impression.
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef -- Not that I am aware of, but good Gods, what I would give to eat this.
86. Hare Actually, wait, no, I've had farmed rabbit but not wild hare. Does it still count?
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse I don't know, I don't have a lot of standards but this somehow is beyond me.
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa -- Sounds tasty!
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor -- Oooooooo, want!
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee -- I'm not much of a coffee freak.
100. Snake

For those keeping track at home, that's 65 out of 100, which I think is pretty damn good considering.

Sausages parte deux

I have once again turned my hands toward producing delicious pork products.

The recipe I used is, of course, one of my own devising, which I call "Thank You, Mom! Sausages" (the reason for this will be quickly made clear).

~2.5 lbs pork butt (bought for me by my mom)
.5 lb pork back fat (bought for me by my mom)
handful fresh sage from my mom's garden
2 whole maces, from Granada (a treat given to me by my mom)
~1 tsp pepper
2 heaped tsp sea salt

Cube the fat and pork (trim as much fat and weirdness as you can from the meat). Freeze 30 minutes, then grind (fine disk). Chop sage very, very fine (I used a mini food processor), grind spices, add sage, spices, and salt to pig and knead well. Return mixture to freezer, freeze another 30 minutes. Grind again.

At this point you would stuff the casings (also bought for me by my mom). I am waiting on this part (it's hard work and I have friends coming over later to help!). To make sure it's tasty, I fried up a patty of it and OH MY STARS. The mace and the sage especially go really well together.

What I eat when Better Half isn't home

nom nom nom
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Yes, the pinnacle of world cuisine: Spam and rice!

I grew up in Hawaii, and yes, I really do eat Spam. Not a lot (and I never ate much when I lived there), but about once a year I say to myself "Damn, I really want some Spam." So I get a can and make this. Calrose rice cooked in the Zojirushi, a small amount of salt added after cooking. Spam sliced and cooked in a pan, no oil (the Spam is greasy enough). If this were really Spam musubi, it would have a little seaweed wrap on it.

Berry Season

I may possibly have purchased and eaten 5 pounds of raspberries in a single week and I may in fact have no regrets whatsoever.

Oh Oregon, I love you!

Little Baby Sheepies

I really love lamb. I was grocery shopping today and got four French lamb chops (rib chops) for about 5 bucks because the sell by date is tomorrow. I brought them home and pan seared them (yay cast iron pan) with salt and pepper. I ate one and it was squisito, and I saved the rest for lunches for next week.

Happy 3.14!

Happy 3.14!
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

I made pi cookies for pi day yesterday! I shaped them by hand, but I bet somebody makes a cutter.

Cross post! Medieval Mongolian food experiment

Plausibly Medieval Mongolian Feast for One
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

For background information on medieval Mongolian cuisine, see the Red Khaganate's very nice page on food.

General remarks: Dairy figured prominently, as did lamb. Vegetables are almost entirely absent (exceptions being onions and garlic, I presume wild versions). Grain products (rice, millet, flour) would have been acquired via trading or raiding. There is little information on medieval Mongol cooking. However, rice cooked in milk and boiled meat served with salt water for dipping are found in at least a few references. I have not seen strong evidence for buuz (the dumplings of modern day Mongolia) but I think that they are an extremely plausible period food. The quantities given here (for buuz and rice, specifically) would serve about four -- I made lots so I would have leftovers. (My coworkers are always facinated by my lunches!)

My recreation:

See previous entry for details on buuz.

The cheese, meant to recreate the "fresh curds" mentioned in several sources, is whole milk brought to a gentle boil and curdled via addition of sour cream. Drain off the whey by straining through a cloth. Salt.

The meat was simply lamb (I used what was cheap at the meat counter, which happened to be blade steak), boiled. I did not boil it long enough. Boiled meat should be served separate from the broth, with a bowl of salt water for dipping. This is actually a pretty tasty way to eat meat, and I will probably do it again. However, I have decided to completely revise my view of this dish and instead do it like (duh, this seems obvious now) shabu-shabu or Mongolian hot pot -- small slices of meat cooked rapidly in boiling liquid. And for the record, I know that modern hot pot is not Mongolian. But I think that the approach (quickly cooking little bits rather than boiling larger hunks for a long time) seems like a good one.

For the rice, I combined 2 cups of short grain rice with 4 cups of milk, brought it to a boil, covered, lowered the heat (to medium, then later to low) and simmered for 20 minutes (15 may be sufficient). When it was done I added salt. I hate rice pudding, so I deliberately avoided having a mushy end product.

Remarks: This was a tasty dinner! My next foray into Mongolian historical cooking, though, will definitely be to re-read period references to the boiled meat feasts of the Mongols as a precursor to hot pot and see if this seems like a reasonable cooking method. I've never had hot pot, but I loooooooooooooove shabu-shabu. In fact just thinking about it has gotten me hungry...

Buuz

Mongolian dumplings. Cross posted from Eulalia hath a blogge.

Dough:
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup white flour (unbleached)
Boiling water

Add water to flour, stirring constantly, until you have a slightly sticky dough. You don't need much water, I would estimate about half a cup. Knead several strokes (careful! it might still be really hot!) and set aside.

Filling:
4 ounces lamb (fatty cuts are good; I used blade steak)
3 scallions
2 garlic cloves
1/2 tsp salt

Finely mince lamb, scallions, and garlic cloves; add salt, mix well.

Divide the dough into 8 pieces and roll them out into fairly thin rounds. Divide filling between dough. Fold into little dumplings, sealing edges well (the easiest way is to fold them in half; or experiment with different ways of folding -- for inspiration, look here and scroll down). Oil the bottom of each dumpling and place in a steamer basket. Steam, covered, for 20 minutes.

Can be stored and reheated easily

Ha ha.

It appears I have joined the rest of America: I 'sploded the handle on my new enameled cast iron dutch oven while baking bread.

Mwahahahahahaha

I can't wait for Christmas dinner.

Each diner shall have a bowl of stew, and each bowl shall have floating in it a single maraschino cherry.

I made bear food

Pemmican!
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Better Half says it looks like bear poop.

Pemmican is easy, fun, and tasty.

(Click photo for more on the process.)

OH MAN

A new restaurant just opened on Canyon, right in downtown Beaverton, called DJK Korean BBQ and Shabu Shabu. When I saw the sign about a month ago, I freaked out with joy. This is the one thing that I somehow never got around to in Hawaii, and I couldn't wait.

Well, I talked Better Half and Maternal Unit into going with me.

OH. MAN.

I think I've probably mentioned my quick method of assessing how good a restaurant is, but just in case: I like to be the only white person. That sounds unsavory when I read it now, but try not to think of it that way. I just mean that when I go and get "ethnic" food I like it to be authentic. Well, DJK did not disappoint. We were the only non-Korean people in the restaurant the whole time we were in there. Score one.

The service was good -- and the server spent some time showing us what to do. I didn't feel like a total oaf for not having been to a restaurant like that before. Score two.

The prices were really steep. Strike one. However, we could have (and probably should have) split an order of something, the portions were hunormous. Maybe we were ignorant white people, and you're supposed to split orders and the server was laughing into her sleeve the whole time. I don't know.

Every single thing was incredibly tasty. I loved all of the side dishes. As for meats, we got galbi (very good!), chadol gui (good), and... urr... I don't remember the third thing. But all of them were really, really good. There is something supremely delightful about piles of meat and piles of vegetables.

And no one got food poisoning! Hooray!

A+ would go back.

The Merry Survivalist

Dinner tonight featured pemmican and dandelion buds (with an egg). Maybe I'll go have some hardtack!

Sea biscuit

Everything it's cracked up to be
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Hardtack is fairly easy to make. I made a miniature batch from:

1 cup flour
1 tsp salt
Just enough water to form a slightly sticky dough (about 1/2 a cup)

Knead well. Roll out 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick. Cut into squares (3" on a side) or circles. Use a fork, toothpick, or chopstick to make some holes in each biscuit. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes, then turn heat down to 250 for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool. Bake again (some say this works best if you do the second baking the next day) at 200 for 30 minutes.

There are many variants on the cooking times and temperatures. What's important is to cook them at least twice, and a low temperature is better than a high temperature.

As you can see from my expression, although these aren't as horrible as you have probably been led to believe, they aren't particularly good, either.

Cranberry Sauce

Cranberry Sauce
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Homemade cranberry sauce is easy and delicious.

Recipe:

One bag of cranberries
Juice and zest of two oranges
1/2 cup water
1 cup sugar (or more if you have a sweet tooth)
1 tablespoon peeled and chopped fresh ginger

Simmer all ingredients for approximately twenty minutes or until the cranberries have mostly burst and the sauce has gelled. Serve it forth!

The Foodie Fainted

Surely you have all heard of the eggplant recipe called "The Imam Fainted." There are two explanations for the fainting of the Imam upon being presented with the dish. Version one, it was so delicious, fainting was the only logical response. Version two, someone told him how much olive oil was used...

I reference this for a reason. I have finally learned of the existence of a culinary journal called Petits Propos Cullinaires and I think that I too may faint. I remain unsure if I am overwhelmed by joy or horror.

I... I want to get every single back issue. And click that link on the right for Index/Prices/Ordering! There's a whole list of books, and reading through the descriptions caused me to have heart palpitations. An entire history of eggs. Food preservation. HISTORY OF SWEETS. I... I... oh, Lord.

Quince jam!

Quince jam!
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

I canned up some quince preserves which will probably end up as Christmas gifts.

I followed the same proceedure as for quince paste (chop up quinces, cover with water, boil until soft, puree with stick blender, add sugar, cook until solid) but didn't cook as long. I worry now that I didn't let it gel enough. Oh well, it will still be all right.

I love this color!

(The larger jar in the background is cranberry sauce that I made with the other members of my AmeriCorps team. So much fun!)

Pear and cheese pie. Tart. Whatever.

Pear and cheese pie
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

This was crazy delicious.

The cheese part of the filling is:

1/4 c sugar
lots of nutmeg
1 egg
1/2 cup ricotta
1/2 cup sour cream

Seriously this shit was insane. I ate it for first breakfast. For second breakfast (which also happened to be elevenses!) I had toast and hard boiled eggs. It was a hobbity day!

Moderately embarrassing pastries

I just read (and much enjoyed) The Gladiator's Honor by Michelle Styles. What am I becoming? Let's not worry about that for right now...

Well of course reading historical fiction makes me want to cook historically inspired food. So I started thinking about Rome and somehow the idea of little pastries came to me. I have no idea if anything like this was ever actually eaten in the Empire, but they tasted pretty good.

All I did was make a pie crust and cut it into little squares. I then filled each square with this filling:

-leftover roast chicken
-farmer's cheese (the soft kind, like ricotta)
-dried apricots
-cippolini onions
-a little red wine
-honey
-salt, cinnamon, and pepper

I ground everything in a food processor. I tried to add pistachios, but that didn't work so well. Place some in the middle of each square and fold over, forming a triangle. Prick each. Bake for 20-25 minutes at 350F. I thought these turned out quite tasty, and they reheat well.

Serve with honeyed spiced wine and olives while wearing a makeshift toga or chiton. I find a long tablecloth works much better than a bedsheet. Suggested music: Anything that makes you feel like vomiting, having sex with slaves, then vomiting some more. An aromatic bath before hand is also highly reccommended. But remember, for historical accuracy, no soap.

Where there's smoke, there's... me cooking.

When I cook tasty little birdies in my oven, I cook them as per the directions in How to Cook Everything: breast down, 500 degrees, 20 minutes. Remove, flip, baste, return to oven. Turn oven down to 350 and roast until thermometer in thigh registers 160-165. This results in a most succulent breast and OH SO CRISPY OM NOM NOM crispy skin.

It also, somewhat hillariously, results in my entire apartment filling with smoke. Am I a bad cook if I set off the fire alarm on a regular basis?

Maybe I just need to clean the oven.

Last night's dinner:
-One lovely fat little chicken with: lemon slices, thyme and garlic (inserted under the skin and also in the cavity), olive oil, salt and pepper (generously masaged into its skin)
-Tiny potatoes (I just put them around the chicken during the breast-up part of the cooking, brushing them with a little of the pan drippings)
-Gravy, to impress Better Half

Followed by:
-Ice cream sundaes! Maybe this is why I'm so fat!

Better Half, who is normally kind of opposed to whole animals, really enjoyed the chicken. Probably because I carved it for her.

After the chicken had cooled, I removed the "oysters" and ate them with my fingers. I can't wait to have kids so I can share treats like that with them, the way my mom shared them with me.

YESSSSSSSSSSS

Breyer's makes lactose free ice cream. I got so excited in the grocery store I almost started crying.

There... there is a God! And She does love me!

Tonight's Lesson: You Probably Shouldn't Drink and Cook

Several margaritas later I find myself remembering that I had intended to make coleslaw*. My go-to cookbook only has a "light and spicy" version which is totally unacceptable and incidentally out of character for this cookbook. The internet is far away. Better Half then gets to listen to me yell "FUCK IT! I'M A GREAT COOK! I AIN'T NEED NO RECIPE!" as I stomp around the kitchen.

Despite using sharp and scary tools and never having made slaw before, 1) there were no injuries and 2) it turned out great.

Approximately what I did: slapped some mayo in a bowl, added a dab of homemade mustard, a drizzle of apple cider vinegar, and a skosh of sugar, then whipped thoroughly. I tasted it and added more sugar and vinegar. Then I grated in carrots and tried and failed to grate in red cabbage. So I sliced the cabbage thinly and then chopped my slices and mixed it all together. It tasted pretty good. I'm going to let it sit in the refrigerator a while then taste it again -- I may add salt and pepper.






*I had a good sandwich today at a large chain establishment that rhymes with Icy Ickle that had coleslaw on it. I thought that was a smart idea and they were out of sprouts at the grocery which are my normal veg of choice for sandwiches so this week's sands shall have the slaw.

I am a big scary bear

We went to Sushi Ville last night (on 23rd and Quimby, I think) and it was oh so very good. I ate nothing but nigiri (just rice and delicious raw fishies) which is uncharacteristic for me. I EAT RAW FISH LIKE BEAR RARRRRRRRRRRRR Then for the grand finale I had a spider roll. The crab was still hot from the fryer and crunched satisfactorily.

RRRRAARRR FISHIES JUMP IN MY MOUTH RARRRRRR

Foodie on Vacation

I just got back from visiting my dad, which is more accurate than saying I just got back from a trip to Hawaii because I barely left the house, and I certainly didn't do any touristy crap.

But there were some high points of the trip:
-KOREAN BBQ OMG. With macaroni salad. Hell yes.
-Sushi. New favorite fish: hamachi.
-Waiola shave ice!!!!!!!!!! I got li hing mui and lychee with ice cream in the bottom and it was just as good, maybe better, than I remember it. AUGAHGAUGAHGALAGUGALGHA (drooling noise a la Homer Simpson)
-The ribs my dad made in his smoker. I made the marinade!
-Finding Dole Whip at the airport! I thought this stuff was gone forever!
-Daquiris made with fresh mangos from my dad's tree.

Low points include the NINE FRICKIN' DOLLARS I paid for the shittiest sandwich ever while in the airport. That's okay, I had some overpriced fruity cocktails to help me choke it down.

When foodies recreate

It is with no small measure of pride that I report a new personal best: lovingly carrying the most perfect and beautiful chanterelles TWO MILES over scorching sand dunes so that I might eat them. I cooked them in just the tiniest bit of butter with a little kosher salt, and OH they were divine!

Even though I had hiked five hours that day, in total, over said scorching dunes, and was insanely sunburned and so sore I could barely move, I found myself debating how hard it would be to make the trek back to get those I left behind. But I left them, for another, or for the chipmunks and the trees. Why be greedy? There will be more.

What serendipity, to find such beauties! Ah, mushrooms! Is there anything so fine? I think not. There's no thrill like finding mushrooms, especially when you aren't looking for them. Maybe eating them. But I think the finding is sometimes even better.

How they turned out

Deutsch!
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

By the way, this is the lunch I made myself with the sausages -- also featuring braised red cabbage and those little dumplings that come in a box. I think they're called Spaetzle.

Final verdict: pretty good! I of course always have criticism of my work (they burst out from the ends of the casings, which caused them to lose flavor), but for a first effort I'm pretty proud of myself.

Fear me.

Now that I've made sausages and survived (it wasn't as difficult or traumatic as everyone always suggests it will be), I find myself with an unshakeable hankering to make... haggis. What better way to get my Scottish on?

Burns Night is January 25th. I think that's enough lead time to find someone who will sell me sheep guts, isn't it?

Tada!

Tada!
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Arrange the links on a platter, cover with plastic wrap, and refrigerate a few hours (even overnight) to let the flavors get to know each other.

18. Snip apart

Snipped apart
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Snip the individual links apart and cut off the extra casing from each original end. I used kitchen shears, but apparently a sharp knife works as well / better.

17. Twist into links

Links
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

When you've finished stuffing, take each long piece and twist it off into individual links. As you can see, my first pass wasn't particularly even.

16. STUFF THEM SAUSAGES!

Guide the casing
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Turn on your Kitchen Aid. Feed the meat mixture into the grinder slowly.

Using those stubby yet still dextrous fingers and the fat, somewhat square hands at the ends of your massive Deutsch forearms, carefully guide the sausages as they fill.

This is the moment of glory.

When you get near the end of a casing piece, carefully pull it off and set the sausages aside.

Repeat loading up some casing and carefully stuffing it until you've used all of your meat.

15. Tie off the end

Tie off the end
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Tie off the end of the casing, and we're ready to stuff!

So much excitement! It all comes down to this! etc!

The filling is ready!

Stuffing ready to go
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Here's what the final product looks like after the second grind.

Casings after final soaking

Casings after final soaking
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

You can see how plump and supple the casings get after the final soaking.

14. Load the casings onto the funnel

Ready the funnel
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

If you're doing this with a Kitchen Aid, you have to take apart and reassemble your attachment so that it's set up to stuff and not grind. Once you've got that all ready, you open one end of a piece of casing, slide it onto the little funnel thing, and then just keep sliding more and more casing on there. It may help to grease the funnel before hand, but I didn't feel like it was necessary.

13. Grind again

Grind again
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Grind the meat and seasonings together, again using the fine disk.

Now is a good time to fry a small patty to make sure you like the seasoning balance.

12. Wait again

Let the meat freeze and the casings soak for 30 minutes (again).

I figured we didn't need to show my clever picture a second time.

11. Soak the casings again

Soak with vinegared water
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Soak the casings again, this time with one tablespoon of vinegar for every cup of water. You don't have to use fancy vinegar, your basic distilled white works quite well. I just don't happen to have any in the house, so I'm using my least fancy apple cider vinegar.

Fully rinsed

Fully rinsed
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

This is what the casings look like after they've been fully rinsed. As you can see, they are starting to look much nicer than they did at the beginning of this project.

Puffy!

Rinse the inside
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

This is what the casings look like full of water. See, they go from horrible worms, to beautiful sea creatures...

10. Rinsing the insides of the casings

Ready to rinse again
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

The idea here is to run cool water through the casings. I was a little freaked by the idea of putting intestines directly on my faucet, so I used the stuffing funnel. Put one end of the casing on the end of the funnel, put the dish of the funnel up to the faucet, and SLOWLY turn on the water.

9. Freeze Again

Freeze Again
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Put the seasoned meat back in the freezer.

8. Blend

Blend
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Knead together the ground meat/fat and all seasonings (fresh, spices, salt and pepper).

The meat was so cold it made my hands hurt.

Also note in the background of some of these photos is a cook's best friend, a book stand.

7. Grinding, Part One

Grinding
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Using the fine disk, grind your meat (and fat if applicable). Use the handy pusher to feed the meat into the grinder.

Otto sez:

"Whoa, just like Pink Floyd!"

6. Spices

Spices
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Grind your spices and set aside.

Actually I got lazy and used my coffee grinder that is only used for spices, but the mortar and pestle looked too cool to not include.

5. Chopping

Seasoning
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Chop the onion and sage (or whatever other fresh seasonings you're using) and set aside.

4. Wait

Time
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Let the casings soak and the meat freeze for 30 minutes.

3. Rinse the casings

Casings
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Gently rinse the casings, smallish sections at a time (mine came conveniently pre-sectioned, I don't know if this is normal) under cool running water. Transfer them to a bowl, cover with more cool water, and let soak.

Casings

Casings
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

This was the only part of this whole operation that I started to get squeamish. They looked like such gigantic horrible worms, and they were all covered with salt and this came from the inside of a pig and that's where the poo is made and... and...

I had to take a few deep breaths before going on. But once I was recovered I just took out about as much of the casing as I thought I would need (I ended up having too much, but I was hoping for that rather than too little) and got down to rinsing it.

2. Freeze

Freeze
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Put the cubed meat in the freezer.

1. Cube the meat (and fat if using)

Cube
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Cut your meat into (approximately) 1-inch cubes. Ditto fat, if you're adding it.

Mise en place

Set up
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Part one: get all of your gear and ingredients ready.

For today, I used the following.

Gear:

Kitchen Aid (artisan)
Meat grinder attachment for K.A.
Sausage stuffer attachment for K.A.
Mortar and pestle (which I eventually gave up on in favor of my coffee grinder that is only used for spices)
Measuring cups and spoons
One large ceramic bowl
One not quite as large stainless steel bowl
Two smallish glass bowls
Cutting board
Large, sharp knife
Kitchen shears
Sharp paring knife
Optional but helpful: kitchen scale

Ingredients:
Natural piggy casings (I don't have a good sense of how much you need per amount of meat -- I bought enough for twenty pounds, so I used a little over a quarter of what I had)
6.5 lbs pork shoulder (it was quite fatty, so I opted not to add fat to my sausages)
1 walla walla sweet onion
1/2 oz fresh sage
1 T Kosher salt or coarse sea salt
1 T freshly ground black pepper
1 T mustard seed
1 t caraway seed

You will also need:
Some vinegar
Lots of water
Plenty of sanitizing hand soap

You may want:
Latex/neoprene/vinyl gloves

I found instructions in a book called "Home Sausage Making" that my wonderful mom gave to me.

BWA HA HAAAAAAA

Join us today as I will be posting frequent updates throughout the day on Operation: Sausage. That's right, folks, I've got pork shoulder, I've got casings, I've got a meat grinder, WHO COULD ASK FOR ANYTHING MORE???? I also have Hefeweizen and a proud German heritage.

Theoretically I'll be taking process pictures along the way, too.

It should be epic.

I must be shriven

I have sinned: many times have I lied, before the Gods and to my fellow man. Many times I have said that I was happy, and I was not.

Never until yesterday had I even known what it was to be truly happy. Now I know, because now I have a food grinder (and optional sausage stuffer!!!) attachment for my Kitchen Aid, and using it was so amazing that I cried a little.

Ah! The day when I buy casings shall be epic!

The world may never be safe again. Where is my oompah music? The only thing that could make this joy more complete would be if I owned a smoker. Of course, I'm already trying to come up with ways to suspend things in my fireplace. I'll let you know how that goes (most likely result: eviction; second: death).

And for a moment, I saw God.

Better Half recently accused me of doing nothing but read erotica and start messy art projects when she's not home. This is patently false. I hate erotica, and I save the messiest projects for when she's home so that I can better vex her. No, what I do when I'm alone is eat foods that I know horrify her. For example, today I bought a package of soft shell crab sushi at the (very very nice) Asian grocery store (that I love). I ate them in my car, knowing that the popping of the tobiko and the bug-like legs sticking out of my mouth would have resulted in an argument were I not alone.

But where I'm really going with this is that wasabi packets included with grocery store sushi (which I only buy at this one place, because grocery store sushi is horrible in general) are the devil's work. They are a pickle to open, and so I resorted as I always do to my teeth. This went pretty well, until I inadvertantly squeezed a bunch of wasabi into my mouth.

OH. HOLY. GODS.

It was so hot I actually rolled my eyes back and gasped in pain. I felt it in my neck. Jesus. I thought I was going to die.

Pie!

Pie!
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

I made a pie!

Made with raspberries that I picked myself. Some years back, Better Half requested that I make her a pie with a crumb top and then a lattice top over that. Now that's how I make all my pies! It is totally ridiculous and over the top but a great crowd pleaser.

Lemon Nutmeg Cookies

Cream together:
1 stick butter (softened)
1/2 cup sugar

Beat in:
3 egg yolks
Zest of one lemon
A little salt
Juice of 1/2 lemon
Freshly grated nutmeg, to taste

Add slowly:
1 1/4 cups flour
1/2 t baking powder

Roll between two sheets of wax paper, chill, cut out. Bake at 300F for 10 minutes.

I iced them, too. And here's a nice indication of the kind of operation I run in my kitchen: (My internal monologue) Damn, I don't have any food coloring. I don't want white icing! Well, that's okay, I'll just grind up a little saffron using the smaller mortar. Yeah, that's how I roll.

Hasty Quiche

one crust for a 9" pie

1 Trader Joe's package of baby spinach
1/2 of one large sweet onion
6 eggs
1/2 c half and half
lots of grated sharp English cheddar
black pepper
fresh rosemary

Chop the spinach small. Slice the onion. Chop the rosemary as finely as you can. Blend filling, pour into shell. Bake 45 minutes at 350 degrees.

Noooooooooooooooo

On a whim I bought a tiny bit of some goat milk cheddar at New Seasons.

It was incredible, remarkable, delicious, hyperbolic.

It is TWENTY GODDAMN DOLLARS PER POUND!

I will never have this treat again :-(

A very tasty dinner

A very tasty dinner
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Here we go, the first in what will no doubt become a popular feature: easy and delicious meals using ingredients from Trader Joe's.

You will need:
-Tomatoes (I went with the high lycopene on the vine little ones)
-Sour cream
-Beef (I went with a small amount of sirloin)
-Jasmine rice (1 cup uncooked)
-Chicken broth (1.5 - 2 cups)
-Olive oil
-Saffron (to taste)
-Garlic (proportional to the amount of meat you have)
-Onions (proportional to the amount of meat you have)
-Cumin (to taste)
-Pepper (to taste)
-Salt (to taste -- you don't need much at all!)
-Sumac (very little, it has quite a punch) (okay okay so you can't get this one at Trader Joe's)
-Some kind of bread -- you can make pita, or I bought this lavosh stuff.

Chop the tomatoes roughly and set aside. Chop your onions and garlic very finely. I used a little food processor. Slice the beef into fairly thin strips, and mix together the raw beef, onions and garlic, pepper, salt, cumin, and sumac. While this is getting acquainted, make your rice. In a very small saucepan, bring the rice and broth to a boil. (The more broth you use the softer the rice will be. This is a matter of personal taste, but be warned that it is very easy to end up with mushy and gross rice.) Turn down the heat to low, cover, and cook for 20 minutes. Remove from heat and let stand. Cook the beef in the olive oil on moderately high heat. This will work out better in a large pan where you can get the beef fully spread out (you want to sear it, not stew it). To serve, put a little pile of rice on your bread, and spread the beef and tomatoes over this. Top with sour cream. Roll up like a super trendy oh my Gods I can't believe I'm writing these words wrap, and stuff your face.

For maximum effect, serve with mint tea in a room decorated with Orientalism prints whilst wearing a Ghawazee coat and playing a bellydancing CD.

(If you live in Portland, you might recognize this for what it is: an attempt to recreate or at least echo my favorite dish at a certain very good Lebanese restaurant. You should also know that it's not as good as their version.)

Not to sound all Food Network, but this makes a really great weeknight dinner (definitely less than an hour start to finish), and the leftovers are easy to take to work for lunch. It's also pretty enough that I think you could serve it to company (certain company) -- try making a nice cucumber salad to go with, and maybe some hummus; buy some baklava for dessert.

Health has a flavor

I made myself a smoothie just now with frozen wild blueberries, low fat yogurt, pomegranate/blueberry juice, honey matcha powder, and golden flax meal.

It's a little weird, kind of a scary not-all-the-way purple color, with a very plant-y taste (from the matcha) and a little bit of texture from the flax meal.

I kept trying to think where I had seen this color and tasted this flavor before, and suddenly it hit me: this stuff looks and tastes exactly like sweetened acai pulp. Well, okay, not exactly: it's less oily. But when you consider that the health benefits are very similar (loads of antioxidants plus some omega fatty acids), it becomes even more eerie. Perhaps I've just blown the lid off of this conspiracy: there is no such thing as acai, there is is only a factory in Brazil where they mix blueberries and matcha and flax and flax oil and pomegranate juice. They gave it an exotic name to con the unsuspecting American public into buying products they already knew about, but hadn't thought of combining!

The other and perhaps weirder possibility is that this particular combination of nutrition has a distinct taste.

Or maybe it's just that I've heard a fair number of people compare the taste of acai to blueberries, and the first time I tasted I remarked how much it tasted like "eating tea". But who likes boring answers like that?

I really like acai, actually. It's fairly nasty in unsweetened pulp form, but once you add just a little sugar it's really good. If you ever manage to find this product, I HIGHLY recommend it. It's crazy delicious. I like it because it's non-dairy, and full of health, but still super fatty (NOM NOM NOM) and sweet and tasty. It's like... like sorbet you would eat for breakfast. It's extremely filling, and in a good way, not in an "I just ate lots of ice cream and am now sick" way.

The Great and Powerful RR

I will admit it, here, on the internet, for all the world to see: I hate Rachael Ray. That's right, I'm just like every other asshole with a Kitchen Aid mixer and a Le Creuset. I can't stand that woman. Her alarming smile. All those horrible things she says (you know what I mean). Her recipes aren't really that impressive or creative. She comes across as pretty dumb. She'll promote a recipe as healthy, when it's obviously not (my favorite example of this is when she made a pasta dish and said it was "low carb" because she didn't use as much pasta as usual -- seriously what the hell). She's just... annoying. If I had known her in high school I would have hated her.

HOWEVER I can also admit something else, something the other assholes can't: mostly I hate her because I'm jealous. I wish I could have her job. I want a show on the Food Network! I want to sell eighty bazillion cookbooks!

And you know, I'll even take this one step further: I admire what she's done. She's been able to make people less afraid of cooking. Cooking doesn't have to be hard or scary or even glamorous. Her dumbness (like when she "eyeballs" an amount and gets it fantastically wrong) makes her accessable. Just because I don't like perky people doesn't mean I don't know that everybody else does. Her recipes don't appeal to me, and that's okay -- because they are the kind of food that a lot of people want to eat. Hell, if she can get people back in the kitchen, I'm all in favor. I'm not opposed to easy and tasty food. I cook a lot of food like she cooks, in fact.

But back to the hating!

Recently I was in a grocery store, and I wanted to buy some crackers. Little did I realize that this activity is now fraught with peril. Choose carefully, mortal, else Rachael Ray's goddamn smiling face end up in your goddamn cupboard! Cripes. That's what I hate about her, she's so... oversaturated. Good on her for building an empire and a fortune, but Jesus H Christ, do I really need knives with her name on them? I'm opposed to the whole celebrity chef promotion thing generally. Sure, I understand, it's like basketball players and shoes. You gotta make a living. But it's symptomatic of everything that I dislike about that whole Food Network culture in general -- it's all about celebrity, not about talent, or the quality of what you produce.

Okay, I'm stopping myself right there. Now I'm just flinging poo at the unstoppable machine. What are celebrity chefs for if not being celebrities?

I miss the Two Fat Ladies. They were my idea of what a cooking show should be.

Why I failed at veganism

As I mentioned previously, I've been quite taken up with the book Gastronaut by Stefan Gates. There is a description in this book of ortolans. Ortolans are songbirds that are kept in the dark, which causes them to overeat. When they are ready for consumption, they are drowned in brandy. The are, apparently, illegal in France. If you have not already done so, you can read about them on Wikipedia.

Now, here is the thing: when I hear about any food that I am not allowed to have because of some goddamn government regulation (even if it's not my own government doing the regulating), I get worked up. I once got so worked up at my job about unpasteurized cider that my coworkers started to back away slowly. So I'm already suckered in on this one. Add to that the fact that this is a food that is outlandish, fanciful, evocative, and suggests not only a foreign place but time as well, and, well, I have to admit that I got a little pang inside of me. I have this weird competitive, show-offisish nature when it comes to food. I know in my little heart that someday I'm going to enter a cooking contest with a cockentrice -- "Oh, this?" I'll say, "Just a little something I whipped up!" Even though I'm scared of scary foods, I want to eat them.

I started to wonder: could I buy those on the internet? I... I'm almost afraid to look. I suspect anyway that the answer is "no" and "they wouldn't taste that good, fool". So then I started to wonder, is there some kind of similar songbird species that lives here that I could do the same thing with in the convenience of my own apartment?

At that point I realized that there's something deeply wrong with me. Not only is the idea of eating a bird whole pretty goddamn gross (although I suspect I know at least one person who as attempted it, but I cannot confirm this and so I won't elaborate), but, as I'm sure anyone with any kind of sentimentality at all has already noted, that's a pretty creepy thing to do to an animal.

I will never attempt those medieval recipes that call for roasting a goose alive. They make me cry to think about them. However, I don't have the same reaction to force-feeding. I had veal the other day, and it was great. I've never had foie gras (I'm kind of opposed to liver just biologically), but I don't find myself getting all worked up over it. I've eaten face bacon (MMMMMMM FACE BACON).

I was a vegan for like 9 months once. I totally failed at it. Not only because I thought about cheese every. single. day. but also because I never had that sharp, visceral reaction that some people have about animal cruelty. I don't like factory farming, and I try (but usually fail) to buy the most non-offensive animal products that I can. But the thing is, at the end of the day, I've never reacted to it the same way other people have. There are some animals that I won't eat (cephalopods because they are magnificent, rabbit because of a childhood incident, duck because I had pet duck, etc.) so I understand that sentimental/emotional reaction, I just don't have it in the way that I feel like I'm "supposed" to.

So... who wants to come over to my place for some force-fed starlings? Eh? Eh? (God, that would be disgusting.)

I wonder if they'd pay me

I should probably just change this to a blog featuring delicious things that you can prepare using only ingredients from Trader Joe's, since that seems to be all I make these days.

From the "Why Didn't I Do That?" File

The rest of you, perhaps, are familiar with the work of Stefan Gates. I was not familiar with him until my mother, being wise in all things, gave me a copy of Gastronaut.

This book is completely awesome, honestly one of the best books I've read.

As all two of you (if that many!) who read this blog are probably well aware, I read cookbooks for fun. There's nothing like a description of the proper way to skin frog legs to while away a rainy afternoon. Although I have prepared frog legs (the frogs came from a biology lab I was in, I am not ashamed to admit this), I will probably never do so again as I doubt my friends would actually consent to eat them. I say this so that you will understand that I do not read cookbooks for any kind of knowledge or skill acquisition, I read them for the little shiver of pleasure that slithers down my spine when I consider the glories of food.

So it will come as no surprise, perhaps, that I read Gastronaut in three sittings over two days. This is a cookbook, sort of, but more than that it is a treatise on the pleasures of the table and, most delightful for me personally, it is an invitation to experiment, sometimes dangerously and disastrously, with food and cooking.

I learned to cook through failure. I remember when my dad thought that a good early cooking lesson was to have me make these pancake things that he used to make from left over mashed potatoes. They were a real bitch of a food, made more so by his insistence that his miracle pans required no oil. The smell of the briquettes that I managed to produce haunts me still: there was crying, there was a thought that I would never learn to cook, there was probably some kind of bribery to make me feel better on my father's part. This is right up there with when my dad told me to put my marshmallow in a particular little tunnel within the embers of a fire. This tunnel, it turns out, had the approximate heat of a point about 6 inches above the surface of the sun. The marshmallow went from cold to incinerated in about four tenths of a second. Again, much crying.

But did that stop me from trying to toast the perfect marshmallow? No! Did that stop me from making potato pancakes? Well I never liked them much to begin with. The point is, you can't make an omlette without spending at least thirty dollars on eggs and ruining at least one good pan. I have a scientific mind: I approach cooking, like I approach nearly anything, with an open heart and the knowledge that, as those Mythbusters put it so well, "Failure is always an option." Every time I've made a batch of biscuits that turned out like hockey pucks, every time I've gone to carve a chicken only to find its thighs are still what I would call rare, every time I've put in "just one more tablespoon" of ginger, every time I've opened the oven only to set off a fire alarm, I've learned how to cook. You don't forget those lessons -- biscuits, I am now confident in saying, turn out much better when you remember to add leavening.

And this is why I'm so in love with Stefan Gates. His approach to food mirrors mine, so well that I'm a little jealous that he seems to have made a career out of loving food and cooking with reckless abandon. This is cooking without fear. This is not your mother's cookbook, unless your mother is like mine. The central tenet of the work, and indeed, it seems, of Gates' life, is

THE GASTRONAUT'S CREED

"Food will consume 16 percent of my life. That life is too precious to waste; therefore:

-I resolve, whenever possible, to transform food from fuel into love, power, adventure, poetry, sex, or drama.
-I will never turn down the opportunity to taste or cook something new.
-I will never forget: canapés are evil.
-I will remember that culinary disaster does not necessarily equal failure.
-I will always keep a jar of pesto on hand in case of the latter."

I cannot honestly say that I'm keeping with the second tenet -- I'm kind of scared of organ meats and a lot of seafood. But I do think that I'm doing quite well with the general spirit of not being afraid of experimentation. Indeed, as you probably know from my other blog / my website, a huge part of my life is devoted to medieval cooking. You can't learn to cook medievally if you're afraid of screwing up or of eating something weird.

This is not so much a book review as a love note: I love you, Gastronaut! Some of the things you do gross me out (I had the skip the section on eating things your body makes, as reading far enough into it to figure out where you were going was enough to make me throw up), but mostly you inspire me. I would like everyone I know to read this book, whether or not you fancy yourself a chef. Even if you never cook adventurously, you can still eat adventurously.

So... who wants to come to my house for a proper orgiastic Roman feast? (By far my favorite chapter!)