Ha ha.

It appears I have joined the rest of America: I 'sploded the handle on my new enameled cast iron dutch oven while baking bread.

Mwahahahahahaha

I can't wait for Christmas dinner.

Each diner shall have a bowl of stew, and each bowl shall have floating in it a single maraschino cherry.

I made bear food

Pemmican!
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Better Half says it looks like bear poop.

Pemmican is easy, fun, and tasty.

(Click photo for more on the process.)

OH MAN

A new restaurant just opened on Canyon, right in downtown Beaverton, called DJK Korean BBQ and Shabu Shabu. When I saw the sign about a month ago, I freaked out with joy. This is the one thing that I somehow never got around to in Hawaii, and I couldn't wait.

Well, I talked Better Half and Maternal Unit into going with me.

OH. MAN.

I think I've probably mentioned my quick method of assessing how good a restaurant is, but just in case: I like to be the only white person. That sounds unsavory when I read it now, but try not to think of it that way. I just mean that when I go and get "ethnic" food I like it to be authentic. Well, DJK did not disappoint. We were the only non-Korean people in the restaurant the whole time we were in there. Score one.

The service was good -- and the server spent some time showing us what to do. I didn't feel like a total oaf for not having been to a restaurant like that before. Score two.

The prices were really steep. Strike one. However, we could have (and probably should have) split an order of something, the portions were hunormous. Maybe we were ignorant white people, and you're supposed to split orders and the server was laughing into her sleeve the whole time. I don't know.

Every single thing was incredibly tasty. I loved all of the side dishes. As for meats, we got galbi (very good!), chadol gui (good), and... urr... I don't remember the third thing. But all of them were really, really good. There is something supremely delightful about piles of meat and piles of vegetables.

And no one got food poisoning! Hooray!

A+ would go back.

The Merry Survivalist

Dinner tonight featured pemmican and dandelion buds (with an egg). Maybe I'll go have some hardtack!

Sea biscuit

Everything it's cracked up to be
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Hardtack is fairly easy to make. I made a miniature batch from:

1 cup flour
1 tsp salt
Just enough water to form a slightly sticky dough (about 1/2 a cup)

Knead well. Roll out 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick. Cut into squares (3" on a side) or circles. Use a fork, toothpick, or chopstick to make some holes in each biscuit. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes, then turn heat down to 250 for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool. Bake again (some say this works best if you do the second baking the next day) at 200 for 30 minutes.

There are many variants on the cooking times and temperatures. What's important is to cook them at least twice, and a low temperature is better than a high temperature.

As you can see from my expression, although these aren't as horrible as you have probably been led to believe, they aren't particularly good, either.

Cranberry Sauce

Cranberry Sauce
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Homemade cranberry sauce is easy and delicious.

Recipe:

One bag of cranberries
Juice and zest of two oranges
1/2 cup water
1 cup sugar (or more if you have a sweet tooth)
1 tablespoon peeled and chopped fresh ginger

Simmer all ingredients for approximately twenty minutes or until the cranberries have mostly burst and the sauce has gelled. Serve it forth!

The Foodie Fainted

Surely you have all heard of the eggplant recipe called "The Imam Fainted." There are two explanations for the fainting of the Imam upon being presented with the dish. Version one, it was so delicious, fainting was the only logical response. Version two, someone told him how much olive oil was used...

I reference this for a reason. I have finally learned of the existence of a culinary journal called Petits Propos Cullinaires and I think that I too may faint. I remain unsure if I am overwhelmed by joy or horror.

I... I want to get every single back issue. And click that link on the right for Index/Prices/Ordering! There's a whole list of books, and reading through the descriptions caused me to have heart palpitations. An entire history of eggs. Food preservation. HISTORY OF SWEETS. I... I... oh, Lord.

Quince jam!

Quince jam!
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

I canned up some quince preserves which will probably end up as Christmas gifts.

I followed the same proceedure as for quince paste (chop up quinces, cover with water, boil until soft, puree with stick blender, add sugar, cook until solid) but didn't cook as long. I worry now that I didn't let it gel enough. Oh well, it will still be all right.

I love this color!

(The larger jar in the background is cranberry sauce that I made with the other members of my AmeriCorps team. So much fun!)

Pear and cheese pie. Tart. Whatever.

Pear and cheese pie
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

This was crazy delicious.

The cheese part of the filling is:

1/4 c sugar
lots of nutmeg
1 egg
1/2 cup ricotta
1/2 cup sour cream

Seriously this shit was insane. I ate it for first breakfast. For second breakfast (which also happened to be elevenses!) I had toast and hard boiled eggs. It was a hobbity day!

Moderately embarrassing pastries

I just read (and much enjoyed) The Gladiator's Honor by Michelle Styles. What am I becoming? Let's not worry about that for right now...

Well of course reading historical fiction makes me want to cook historically inspired food. So I started thinking about Rome and somehow the idea of little pastries came to me. I have no idea if anything like this was ever actually eaten in the Empire, but they tasted pretty good.

All I did was make a pie crust and cut it into little squares. I then filled each square with this filling:

-leftover roast chicken
-farmer's cheese (the soft kind, like ricotta)
-dried apricots
-cippolini onions
-a little red wine
-honey
-salt, cinnamon, and pepper

I ground everything in a food processor. I tried to add pistachios, but that didn't work so well. Place some in the middle of each square and fold over, forming a triangle. Prick each. Bake for 20-25 minutes at 350F. I thought these turned out quite tasty, and they reheat well.

Serve with honeyed spiced wine and olives while wearing a makeshift toga or chiton. I find a long tablecloth works much better than a bedsheet. Suggested music: Anything that makes you feel like vomiting, having sex with slaves, then vomiting some more. An aromatic bath before hand is also highly reccommended. But remember, for historical accuracy, no soap.

Where there's smoke, there's... me cooking.

When I cook tasty little birdies in my oven, I cook them as per the directions in How to Cook Everything: breast down, 500 degrees, 20 minutes. Remove, flip, baste, return to oven. Turn oven down to 350 and roast until thermometer in thigh registers 160-165. This results in a most succulent breast and OH SO CRISPY OM NOM NOM crispy skin.

It also, somewhat hillariously, results in my entire apartment filling with smoke. Am I a bad cook if I set off the fire alarm on a regular basis?

Maybe I just need to clean the oven.

Last night's dinner:
-One lovely fat little chicken with: lemon slices, thyme and garlic (inserted under the skin and also in the cavity), olive oil, salt and pepper (generously masaged into its skin)
-Tiny potatoes (I just put them around the chicken during the breast-up part of the cooking, brushing them with a little of the pan drippings)
-Gravy, to impress Better Half

Followed by:
-Ice cream sundaes! Maybe this is why I'm so fat!

Better Half, who is normally kind of opposed to whole animals, really enjoyed the chicken. Probably because I carved it for her.

After the chicken had cooled, I removed the "oysters" and ate them with my fingers. I can't wait to have kids so I can share treats like that with them, the way my mom shared them with me.

YESSSSSSSSSSS

Breyer's makes lactose free ice cream. I got so excited in the grocery store I almost started crying.

There... there is a God! And She does love me!

Tonight's Lesson: You Probably Shouldn't Drink and Cook

Several margaritas later I find myself remembering that I had intended to make coleslaw*. My go-to cookbook only has a "light and spicy" version which is totally unacceptable and incidentally out of character for this cookbook. The internet is far away. Better Half then gets to listen to me yell "FUCK IT! I'M A GREAT COOK! I AIN'T NEED NO RECIPE!" as I stomp around the kitchen.

Despite using sharp and scary tools and never having made slaw before, 1) there were no injuries and 2) it turned out great.

Approximately what I did: slapped some mayo in a bowl, added a dab of homemade mustard, a drizzle of apple cider vinegar, and a skosh of sugar, then whipped thoroughly. I tasted it and added more sugar and vinegar. Then I grated in carrots and tried and failed to grate in red cabbage. So I sliced the cabbage thinly and then chopped my slices and mixed it all together. It tasted pretty good. I'm going to let it sit in the refrigerator a while then taste it again -- I may add salt and pepper.






*I had a good sandwich today at a large chain establishment that rhymes with Icy Ickle that had coleslaw on it. I thought that was a smart idea and they were out of sprouts at the grocery which are my normal veg of choice for sandwiches so this week's sands shall have the slaw.

I am a big scary bear

We went to Sushi Ville last night (on 23rd and Quimby, I think) and it was oh so very good. I ate nothing but nigiri (just rice and delicious raw fishies) which is uncharacteristic for me. I EAT RAW FISH LIKE BEAR RARRRRRRRRRRRR Then for the grand finale I had a spider roll. The crab was still hot from the fryer and crunched satisfactorily.

RRRRAARRR FISHIES JUMP IN MY MOUTH RARRRRRR

Foodie on Vacation

I just got back from visiting my dad, which is more accurate than saying I just got back from a trip to Hawaii because I barely left the house, and I certainly didn't do any touristy crap.

But there were some high points of the trip:
-KOREAN BBQ OMG. With macaroni salad. Hell yes.
-Sushi. New favorite fish: hamachi.
-Waiola shave ice!!!!!!!!!! I got li hing mui and lychee with ice cream in the bottom and it was just as good, maybe better, than I remember it. AUGAHGAUGAHGALAGUGALGHA (drooling noise a la Homer Simpson)
-The ribs my dad made in his smoker. I made the marinade!
-Finding Dole Whip at the airport! I thought this stuff was gone forever!
-Daquiris made with fresh mangos from my dad's tree.

Low points include the NINE FRICKIN' DOLLARS I paid for the shittiest sandwich ever while in the airport. That's okay, I had some overpriced fruity cocktails to help me choke it down.

When foodies recreate

It is with no small measure of pride that I report a new personal best: lovingly carrying the most perfect and beautiful chanterelles TWO MILES over scorching sand dunes so that I might eat them. I cooked them in just the tiniest bit of butter with a little kosher salt, and OH they were divine!

Even though I had hiked five hours that day, in total, over said scorching dunes, and was insanely sunburned and so sore I could barely move, I found myself debating how hard it would be to make the trek back to get those I left behind. But I left them, for another, or for the chipmunks and the trees. Why be greedy? There will be more.

What serendipity, to find such beauties! Ah, mushrooms! Is there anything so fine? I think not. There's no thrill like finding mushrooms, especially when you aren't looking for them. Maybe eating them. But I think the finding is sometimes even better.

How they turned out

Deutsch!
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

By the way, this is the lunch I made myself with the sausages -- also featuring braised red cabbage and those little dumplings that come in a box. I think they're called Spaetzle.

Final verdict: pretty good! I of course always have criticism of my work (they burst out from the ends of the casings, which caused them to lose flavor), but for a first effort I'm pretty proud of myself.

Fear me.

Now that I've made sausages and survived (it wasn't as difficult or traumatic as everyone always suggests it will be), I find myself with an unshakeable hankering to make... haggis. What better way to get my Scottish on?

Burns Night is January 25th. I think that's enough lead time to find someone who will sell me sheep guts, isn't it?

Tada!

Tada!
Originally uploaded by laurelfactorial

Arrange the links on a platter, cover with plastic wrap, and refrigerate a few hours (even overnight) to let the flavors get to know each other.